I don’t want to talk about what happened in the classroom.
I don’t want to talk about children.
I want to talk about their caregivers.
Because, I held space for a mother carrying the weight of guilt that her child’s neurodivergent needs are somehow her fault.
I stood beside a mother who feels helpless watching her child getting bullied—not by peers, but by the very adults who were supposed to be her village.
I listened to a father doing everything he can to hold the fort, while quietly managing the emotional fallout of his spouse needing healthcare.
I sat with a parent trying to help their child settle into a new country, new home, new everything.
I watched a mother, balancing a career and motherhood, trying to hold firm around screen time boundaries—while being told, “You’re not home, so how else do we keep him occupied?”
Dr Stuart Shankar often says that parents are not failing. They are carrying pro-social stress: the pressure to constantly “do right” by your child, without pause, without support.. And the kindest thing we can do is help them find safety in their own nervous systems again and I resonate with this that children are great. It is the parents who need the nurturing.
And it’s not a new problem. But I do think it’s a more urgent one now.
What’s driving so many parents to the edge?
Unfiltered, relentless information.
Swipe after swipe—
“3 ways to raise a resilient child.”
“10 hacks to get your toddler to eat broccoli.”
“5 must-dos to raise a genius.”
All well-meaning. All anxiety-inducing.
And then come the opinions—
From family, friends, WhatsApp groups, even strangers.
We talk a lot about what screens do to children. But what about what they are doing to us, the adults?
Dr. Stanley Greenspan emphasized that the parent’s emotional state is the child’s first classroom and that emotional milestones are as crucial as physical or academic ones. And who supports these milestones? The emotionally available caregiver. But how can a parent co-regulate with their child if they are running on empty, unsure of what is “too much” or “too little”?
So if you’re a parent reading this— here is the one “hack” I offer parents: You. Are. Enough.
The fact that you show up—even when your body aches and your heart is heavy—is enough.
You holding your child and kissing the boo boo away is enough.
You sitting together at the dinner table and talking about your day is enough.
Good enough parenting is great parenting.
“The greatest gift we can give our children is our presence. Not our perfection.”
—Dr. Gabor Maté
You can take the classes. Try the techniques. Read the books.
But nothing—not one “hack”—will ever replace the quiet strength of showing up with love, again and again.
And the next time someone offers you a “hack” to make parenting easier—
Just pick up your child, and run.
Because your child doesn’t need a perfect parent armed with hacks.
They just need you.
Pallavi is the Co-Founder & CEO at The Nurturant: Transforming early childhood education with holistic, research-driven approaches. She is also the Founder of Tinker Lab, leading a lab school revolution with child-led, inquiry-based learning
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